Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
