I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
