I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
