the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
