matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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