I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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