So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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