i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
