I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
