When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
