:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
