The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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