i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
