i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
