I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
