I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
