she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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