I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
