Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize