so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
