If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
