I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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