i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
