she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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