biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
