I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
