So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
