you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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