and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
