I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
