An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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