What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
