forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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