I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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