So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
home. puking in laundry basket.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
