it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
