You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
