Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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