your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
