You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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