the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
