I cockslap morals
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
