fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
