very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
