the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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