Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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