YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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