the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Boobs are out for the taking
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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