the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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