sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
