Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
