My room smells like vodka and shame
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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