Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
birth control should be required to get into college
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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