It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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