no, he came in my armpit
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
