He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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