Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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