So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A+ Viking dick
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
