Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
