First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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