she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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