Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
