Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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