mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
