He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
