You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
